your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
