the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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