I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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