Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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