I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
