Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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