mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
