This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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