Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
