I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
