whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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