I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
