who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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