i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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