I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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