It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
