So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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