Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize
