I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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