I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
