No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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