I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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