He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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