He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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