I faked an abortion last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
