If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
