Me too!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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