I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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