we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
