I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
