I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
