did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't put those talents on a resume
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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