Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We are all done wearing pants today
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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