I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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