Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
