My brain says no but my pants say off.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
