Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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