this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
