I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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