I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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