He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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