I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
