I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have fence marks all over my body
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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