saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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