Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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