oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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