i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
