I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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