If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
