Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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