i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
