dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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