HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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