Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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