I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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