nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
