My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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