i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
