mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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