The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
