Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
