So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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