Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
