.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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