I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
