watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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