Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
