The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
