New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
